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{youtube}http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Doz5w2W-jAY{/youtube}

 

I’m just curious today.  Of course we don’t want women to be like men!  But sometimes I think it would be most helpful if women learned to communicate more like men.  How many times have you been baffled by the seeming hurt silence of a female, that grows longer and colder the more you don’t realize its happening, only to be suddenly hit with a bout of tears because you were clueless that it was taking place?  I think we all have, in one form or another.

If you’ve read ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’, it tends to portray men as having overly fragile egos and women as being overly sensitive.  Maybe, maybe not.  But do these two conversations ring of any truth to you?

 

EXAMPLE A.  Man, speaking to his male friend at a barbecue.

1st guy.  “Dude, hey, you forgot to save me a beer from that specialty imported 6-pack you brought.”

2nd guy.  “Ah shit, didn’t know you wanted one.  Those guys sure polished them off quick.”

1st guy. “Yeah, I said last night on the phone to save me one, dickhead.  You’re not kidding, you only just walked in the door.”

2nd guy. “Sorry about that, wasn’t paying attention I guess.  I’ll get you next time.”

1st guy. “No biggie.  Did you get your new rims?”

 

EXAMPLE B.  Female, speaking to her female friend at a barbecue.

1st female. “Hey, did you see Leonora come in?”

2nd female.  “Yes, she got here about 10 minutes ago. Why?”

1st female. “Sigh. She knew I wanted to be on the garage sale committee.  I couldn’t believe it when I found out the homeowner’s association newsletter didn’t have me listed.  I was so hurt, I can hardly talk about it.”

2nd female.  “That’s terrible!  Are you sure she knew, and just didn’t forget or something?  She doesn’t seem to be mean like that.  Maybe the printer just missed your name.”

1st female.  ‘Oh, I’m sure.  We talked about it on the phone, and she knew how hard I worked last year on it.  I guess they don’t want my help.’

2nd female.  ‘I don’t think that can be it.  You did work hard.  There’s got to be something.  Why don’t  you ask her about it?

1st female. ‘No, I can’t.  Im too hurt by it.  Ill just avoid her.”

You know Im right!  You know it!!!  Must we be like this ladies?  (Both gendered ladies and other?)  You know Im right, that this happens exactly like this.  I’m sure there are countless studies on why these different styles of communication occur, and that the 2nd, less clear form practiced by our sisters is due to their need to have their feelings validated, avoiding confrontation, whereas men are ‘fixers’ who transfer what they know how to do– fixing — to their interpersonal communications.  There, I fixed it, its over, says a man to himself, wondering dumbfounded why the women keeps talking about how hurt he made her feel long long after he corrected his mistake…

My difficulty with these different types of communication is that I, coming from a more male-oriented frame of reference throughout my life, communicate with, and prefer style 1.  Style 2 irritates me. Mostly because usually I’m female #3, who is perfectly aware she’s being discussed but refuses to play the girly-game. This leaves me with very few close female friends, because…as I’ve said impatiently to more than one lady associate…’Do you want me to fix this, or do you just want me to listen to how you feel?.”

My close friends, we speak in a male-bonding sort of way, as in:

Me.  ‘You didn’t come over to give me a hand yesterday.  You promised.’

friend:  “Yeah, I got busy with a few things that came up.’

Me.  You’re such a ho…Leave me hanging.  Just kidding, I hope it was nothing serious.’

friend:  ‘A HO!  Why you bitch!  No, not serious, but I couldn’t get away.  I can tell you about it if you have time.”

Me. “I don’t have a lot, so give me a short version.  Or come over and tell me all about it.  If you don’t get busy all of a sudden.’

friend:  ‘Fuck you, lol.’

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There is a blissful, relaxed comfort being around someone you can be upfront and clear with.  So this is a big thanks, to my female, male and other assorted, friends who come through loud and clear.  <3

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